Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
