I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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