My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
