It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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