sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
