I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
