Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is my gift to your gina
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
