she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
