If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
