So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
