I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
