get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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