Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
