My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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