well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
