I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
