i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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