Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
