My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You left your phone here
Wait...
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