My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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