weddingsv make me drug and hornr
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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