There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
