I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
