Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
