Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
