that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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