i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
