Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
