Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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