well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
