he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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