No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
