I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
