he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
