I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
40s are totally the cure
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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