What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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