drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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