My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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