If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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