i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish you could order shots online.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
