you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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