Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
