We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
