I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
my liver is dry heaving
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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