Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
