Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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