11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
