we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
