so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When are your genitals available?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
