Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
