After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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